Funny, I had so much to say until I got here. I have to admit, this is a little intimidating! Many people blog because they desire to be known, or feel that something they have to say needs to be said. My purpose in starting this process is to put myself out there in a way that isn't comfortable for me. I desire that my walk with Jesus would shine through for anyone caring to read this and that it would be an encouragement for others who struggle in their striving. I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be. I don't want to be. But, I do promise to be honest.
A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of watching a man come to the end of his life. Dave was a mess in his earlier years and after losing almost everything, he came to know Jesus in a personal way. He began attending our church and played the bass guitar for worship. He seemed like an odd person at first, but he was so joyful. He had a deep soul and desired intimacy with his brothers and sisters in Christ.
One night at Bible Study, Dave shared that he had cancer. To make a long story short, his suffering began and as a church body, people stepped up to help him. I knew that he journaled, and I being a journaler myself was intrigued to know what he was writing about through his suffering. I called our pastor and close friend to ask him what he thought about me asking Dave to see his journals. Cory laughed and said he thought I should ask, Dave would probably like to share them.
The next several months changed my life and perspective. When I called Dave, he was pleased that someone cared what he had written. We arranged a time for me to come and let him talk me through it. When I arrived with Cory and his wife P.J., he was ready for me. He had a short stack of black and white composition books on the table next to him. He told me to pull up a chair and take notes. I had no idea that he intended to read them to me and actually "talk me through" it all. What a journey! I started writing frantically as he read some and told story after story of his life experience. He started at the beginning and moved forward. Several times a week we would go and sit and listen as we cared for Dave. There were times that Dave would be in such pain that he needed Cory to sit and hold him and pray for him. P.J. and I would sit quietly in the corner and respectfully observe these precious moments. There were other times that Dave would need something to make him comfortable, P.J. would always know what to do. She would make him food, clean up after him, help him adjust. And, there were the times that he would just want to talk, and I would listen and write. There were others involved as well. Another sister in Christ would come clean and shop for him, another brother came and played music for him. Music was Dave's soul. Even when he could no longer hold up his bass guitar, he would prop it on the floor and pick it like a harp and worship.
Those were special moments. Dave was honest about being afraid and asked me to keep his story honest. Those months were the visible show of God's hand. It wasn't within Cory's comfort zone to help him in and out of a hot bath to relieve his pain, but God equipped him with just what he needed to serve this man. We all learned a lot from Dave, in our own ways.
It's taken me awhile, but that experience has changed me and I am ready to strive for radical honesty in my own life.
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