Worship is our Scuba Gear

We had a family worship night last night at our church.  It was beautiful.  During the course of the night, it was explained to us that the picture created in Revelations 4 is the habitat of God Himself.  Just as a fish dwells in water, we dwell in oxygen, God dwells in worship.  Worship bridges our habitats, so to speak, so that we can be in God's presence.  Sort of like putting on scuba gear so that we can dwell in the ocean with the sea creatures.
Worship is our scuba gear, or our spacesuit.  It was a wonderful time with our family, taking communion, praying over our kids and bonding spiritually.  Each of our kids came home excited and joyful.  What a gift!

I'm opting for a distraction fast this week.  No facebook, random internet searches, t.v. or other mindless zoning out.  I hope to spend more time journaling, blogging, doing laundry, reading, worshiping and engaging in real conversation with my family.  I also have studying and normal house stuff to do, but I desire for my focus to be on "things above" as Colossians 3 encourages me.

I have the best husband in the world...

My husband defines love to me on a daily basis.  When Jesus declared that a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, Jay makes that real.  He always puts me first, takes care of me and protects my weaknesses.  He always knows exactly what to say, and when not to say anything. 

Here are a few examples of what love looks like:  Jay always kisses me goodbye.  Even as I stay tucked in warm and cozy in our bed, he sweetly kisses my head before he heads out for the day.  He knows my need and desire to sleep and he lets me sleep in every Saturday morning without any pressure to get up and be productive.  In fact once he asked me, "why do you feel like you need to be productive every day?"  He gives me the freedom to take a day off.  He never complains that the house is not as clean as it used to be or if he doesn't have clean socks.  He encourages me in my efforts and sees how hard I feel like I'm working (not nearly as hard as he!).  Recently he took over cooking and grocery shopping.  I was buckling under the pressure that normal moms handle every day, and Jay stepped in and rescued me.  And then does an outstanding job at it too!

He is always encouraging and uplifting.  He says there isn't anything about me that irritates him.  I know that isn't true, he just chooses to look past it.  This man carries the weight of our family on his shoulders without wavering.  I never worry about finances, or other concerns over family affairs.  Jay handles his responsibility with grace, goodness, spiritual maturity and wisdom.  I am so thankful for the second biggest and best gift God has ever given me.

Tea Partys

Tea Partys are something that I will miss when my girls are both all grown up and gone.  They have been a way of life for us since Hannah was a little thing.  Lilly was sipping her "tea" fireside tonight, wearing her pink princess dress and her fake long hair.  She was so cute.  Her imaginary friend, Leah was right beside her and quite entertaining.  Hannah and I had black tea with milk and sugar.  I forget how much I enjoy a cup of tea.

Tuesdays with Hannah

I love Tuesdays... it is a busy day for me and gets me rolling into my week, but I have the best conversations with my girl in the car.  We drop the youngest off at Awana and drive to dance.  It is dark and just the two of us, the perfect set for great conversation.  This is when I get to hear about all the stuff that really happens at school and in her mind... I learn more about her in the 25 minutes to and from dance then I do the rest of the week.

It makes me realize how quiet she really is.  She is tender, sweet, quiet, thoughtful, contemplative and mature.  I'm so proud of her, how she handles herself, how she reasons.  God has a plan for her sweet spirit.  I pray that He would protect her and keep her through any trial that He asks her to walk for her growth.  She has a strong inner spirit, but she doesn't flaunt it.  She is creative and precious.

Should I keep going...

Usually it is late at night that I feel like writing.  As I am tucked into my nightly hibernation, I let myself process all that is still rattling around in my head.  Most of the time, these ramblings turn into prayers, sometimes it is just working through things, conversations etc.  I do the same thing in the shower.  I think and pray.  Not about anything in particular, but about everything. 

I was thinking about blogging.  Usually people want to put their best out here, I really want to be honest.  The problem with being honest is that it is depressing to read, and usually on my not-great days, I just want to hide.  I want to stay anonymous, and I don't want to let anyone in.  Vulnerablility is a terrible feeling.

I'm going to push myself a few more days and decide if I will leave this out here or delete the whole thing and forget about it.  I was "up" when I started it, and truly just wanted to encourage, but this is harder than I thought it would be on the days that I feel more "down."

My messy brain.

After a couple of weeks of on and off again school/snow days, I think we are all a little out of sync.  The messed up schedule has thrown me and I've missed three days of working out.  It is so hard to motivate myself, especially when the schedule is askew, but then the pain starts and I know if I don't get moving, I won't be able to.  I guess I have may have fibromyalgia, but I refuse to accept that fact, so I just keep telling myself that I feel better when I work out.

It does make a huge difference, but it is frustrating that after missing 3 days, I have taken two steps back... oh well.  I will choose to not let it discourage me. 

I am craving quiet time with my bible and journal, but I also need to work on a paper that is due tomorrow.  This is where I get stuck.  The impending "have to" paralyzes my ability to put it off for a little bit and refresh myself spiritually.  I had set aside time to work on it, but went sledding instead (glad I did!) - so now I need to shake off the laundry, cleaning my floors (salt and wood don't mix), and get it done.  But first, my boy has a basketball game today... when I get home from that, I will feel that I need a nap, and so goes the procrastination.

Okay, so this is one of my not so great days... now you know what a mess it is in my brain.

Moments of Joy

My mom-in-law and I were talking about "moments of joy" today.  She shared a funny story about how in a time of grief, a funny story that came to mind made her laugh - and for that moment, she felt joy instead of sorrow.  We were talking about how God gives us little glimpses of joy like that.  I had a moment of joy today (or a few)... I was preparing to barricade myself in my bedroom and work on a research paper when some friends invited us to sled with them.  Normally, I send my kids out to have their fun and clean up the mess when they come back in.  I don't like to be cold, and I don't have all the proper snow-playing clothing for myself to allow me to not be miserable.  Well, today I sucked it up and put my jeans on over my pajamas and made the best of it.  I'm glad I did!  We had a blast and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon in the company of friends.

Two in one day...

The truth is, I'd rather be writing here, than working on the research paper that is awaiting me.  I am a full time student, part-time preschool teacher, wife, and mother of three.  I can tell you, I don't really have time for this.  Maybe it is due to a little case of cabin fever, maybe not. 

I just finished reading a book I borrowed from a friend a year ago.  Kevin Leman's "Have A New Kid By Friday."  This is one of the most practical, quick advice books I've ever read on parenting issues.  Here's what he says about shyness,

"Did you know that an extremely shy child is an extremely powerful child?  Shyness becomes a way of making sure the adults in that child's life do things the way the child wants to do them.  It's actually a form of manipulation." (Leman, 2008, p. 239).

As an early childhood teacher, I am always looking for information on behaviors pertaining to this age group.  I find this especially interesting - considering most of the "shy" children in my life are also strong willed.

Something to think about...

Getting Started

Funny, I had so much to say until I got here.  I have to admit, this is a little intimidating!  Many people blog because they desire to be known, or feel that something they have to say needs to be said.  My purpose in starting this process is to put myself out there in a way that isn't comfortable for me.  I desire that my walk with Jesus would shine through for anyone caring to read this and that it would be an encouragement for others who struggle in their striving.  I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be.  I don't want to be.  But, I do promise to be honest. 

A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of watching a man come to the end of his life.  Dave was a mess in his earlier years and after losing almost everything, he came to know Jesus in a personal way.  He began attending our church and played the bass guitar for worship.  He seemed like an odd person at first, but he was so joyful.  He had a deep soul and desired intimacy with his brothers and sisters in Christ. 

One night at Bible Study, Dave shared that he had cancer.  To make a long story short, his suffering began and as a church body, people stepped up to help him.  I knew that he journaled, and I being a journaler myself was intrigued to know what he was writing about through his suffering.  I called our pastor and close friend to ask him what he thought about me asking Dave to see his journals.  Cory laughed and said he thought I should ask, Dave would probably like to share them.

The next several months changed my life and perspective.  When I called Dave, he was pleased that someone cared what he had written.  We arranged a time for me to come and let him talk me through it.  When I arrived with Cory and his wife P.J., he was ready for me.  He had a short stack of black and white composition books on the table next to him.  He told me to pull up a chair and take notes.  I had no idea that he intended to read them to me and actually "talk me through" it all.  What a journey!  I started writing frantically as he read some and told story after story of his life experience.  He started at the beginning and moved forward.  Several times a week we would go and sit and listen as we cared for Dave.  There were times that Dave would be in such pain that he needed Cory to sit and hold him and pray for him.  P.J. and I would sit quietly in the corner and respectfully observe these precious moments.  There were other times that Dave would need something to make him comfortable, P.J. would always know what to do.  She would make him food, clean up after him, help him adjust.  And, there were the times that he would just want to talk, and I would listen and write.  There were others involved as well.  Another sister in Christ would come clean and shop for him, another brother came and played music for him.  Music was Dave's soul.  Even when he could no longer hold up his bass guitar, he would prop it on the floor and pick it like a harp and worship.

Those were special moments.  Dave was honest about being afraid and asked me to keep his story honest.  Those months were the visible show of God's hand.  It wasn't within Cory's comfort zone to help him in and out of a hot bath to relieve his pain, but God equipped him with just what he needed to serve this man.  We all learned a lot from Dave, in our own ways. 

It's taken me awhile, but that experience has changed me and I am ready to strive for radical honesty in my own life.