Brain Dump

Okay, so this is all pretty random, but it is everything I'm thinking about...

First of all, I am so thankful to feel cherished.  I am reading, "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge.  I have barely begun, but already have read enough chew on a little.  The authors mention that every little girl has the desire to be precious to her daddy.  I didn't have this experience and instead looked for that precious identity in other males.

What a blessing that God gave me a man who considers me to be precious.  I feel truly cherished even when I don't deserve the attention and even when I make life harder on him.  This thought process takes me back to needing to figure out what to do with the wound left by an absent father.  I desire to put it all aside and let it go, but it isn't realistic and what would Jesus have me to do?  I don't harbor bitterness and I have, and continue to, forgive him.  It is more like a continual rejection.  A hurt that pains me deeply.  If he weren't living, I would grieve my loss and move forward, but instead I feel paralyzed and protective all at the same time.  I don't want to write him off, I figure he probably has a story too, right?  But, I do wonder if he cares.  Does he ever think of me?  Does he feel pain over this relationship too, or has he so detached himself that he is numb.

Okay, on to the next one.  My heart hurts for my several friends who are currently laboring in their marriages.  Each situation is unique, and yet there are several common denominators.  Selfishness being at the core of most marriage problems, it is the hardest to deal with.  I know, I am the most selfish person in my marriage.  I hold on to my selfishness and think I have "rights."  Really, it is about serving the other person, always putting their needs first and not letting the little things build up.  Treating each other with respect and only speaking kind or encouraging words. 

Marriage isn't disposable.  It is permanent.  It is interesting that the people I encounter who end up breaking up their family aren't really happy either.  They usually end up becoming bitter and closed off emotionally.  I wish people were willing to get help.  To dig deep and do whatever necessary to not allow a family to be broken apart.  I haven't walked a mile in anyone's shoes, so I don't intend for any of this to sound judgemental or critical.  It is just that from my observations, the pursuit of personal happiness is an empty search.

Brain Dump - successful, time for sleep.