I was thinking about this conversation that I've started about my dad. Thank you Mom, for your comment, I know it pushes you out of your comfort zone to post it here.
Why do I feel the need to address these things that surface in my life, instead of letting them go and forcing myself past them. Because I am feeling prompted to deal with this relationship, it will likely cause me to be severely uncomfortable and may even be painful. But, why do I push myself to dig to the roots and figure it out? It is because I want to live out my freedom in Christ. I know in my head that I am free in Him, but if I am carrying all the weight of the baggage that surfaces, I am not capable of living in that complete and total freedom.
When I have scraped the scab off of a wound, and treated the oozing painful mess underneath it, the freedom that comes from living without the bandage is so worth it. That is what we do in life. We bandaid our issues and carry the baggage and every once in awhile the stuff oozes out and we wipe it away. Sometimes we even change the bandaids, but nothing lasts forever. It will continue to ail us until we have dealt fully with the issue.
One layer at a time. God has never asked me to deal with more than one scab at a time. Some are bigger than others, but they are all nasty, crusty, ugly things that fester underneath.
Okay, I think I've made my point with this word picture. I feel like I need some peroxide and antibiotic ointment...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Truth and Encouragement
It occurred to me after talking to a friend, that one can only truly be encouraged by truth. We can say nice things to each other and try to lift one's spirits, but from the core level - only truth will really build one up. Take for instance a situation where a friend is facing a dead marriage. According to the world's standards, this marriage was over years ago. This friend has stuck with it, riding the waves of pain, frustration and heartache. She has grieved over her broken dreams and had to realize that her life has been forever changed, and not by any choice she made for herself.
She is committed to being the wife God has called her to be. Even if her husband isn't acting the way he should be. This is the "for better, for worse" part of the vow. This is worse. She has run the gamut of emotions from sorrow to anger and back again. Each day, she tries to see past her sadness, past her circumstances to find the joy that only the Lord can give her. It is an amazing journey to watch, to be invited to participate in with her. It is a divine privilege that I don't take lightly. There have been times that I wanted to go and pack up this man, who I love like a brother, and move him out myself. But, my job is to encourage her in her journey. Who am I to encourage one to walk out on a promise to God Himself.
As I pray for this couple, for healing, restoration, forgiveness and peace - I am also reminded to pray that God would give my friend guidance and joy that only He can give. That is the beautiful thing about God's joy - it is not reliant on our circumstances. May He draw each of them to Himself, above all else.
What is the truth in this situation? This is a question we have come back to a million times. The truth is: God is sovereign. If God is sovereign, then He divinely purposed these two to become one in marriage. Marriage was God's idea, not that we would live as separate people trying to row the same boat, or different boats, but that we would become one, rowing the same boat. Each member of the marriage has divine purpose, different giftings and weaknesses. It isn't supposed to be easy, we're not supposed to be able to figure it out without the Creator's intervention. We can't love without his help, we certainly can't experience true "oneness" without Him.
The fact that these two haven't given up over the years of pain they have endured is a modern day miracle. I can't wait to see how God is going to glorify Himself in this.
She is committed to being the wife God has called her to be. Even if her husband isn't acting the way he should be. This is the "for better, for worse" part of the vow. This is worse. She has run the gamut of emotions from sorrow to anger and back again. Each day, she tries to see past her sadness, past her circumstances to find the joy that only the Lord can give her. It is an amazing journey to watch, to be invited to participate in with her. It is a divine privilege that I don't take lightly. There have been times that I wanted to go and pack up this man, who I love like a brother, and move him out myself. But, my job is to encourage her in her journey. Who am I to encourage one to walk out on a promise to God Himself.
As I pray for this couple, for healing, restoration, forgiveness and peace - I am also reminded to pray that God would give my friend guidance and joy that only He can give. That is the beautiful thing about God's joy - it is not reliant on our circumstances. May He draw each of them to Himself, above all else.
What is the truth in this situation? This is a question we have come back to a million times. The truth is: God is sovereign. If God is sovereign, then He divinely purposed these two to become one in marriage. Marriage was God's idea, not that we would live as separate people trying to row the same boat, or different boats, but that we would become one, rowing the same boat. Each member of the marriage has divine purpose, different giftings and weaknesses. It isn't supposed to be easy, we're not supposed to be able to figure it out without the Creator's intervention. We can't love without his help, we certainly can't experience true "oneness" without Him.
The fact that these two haven't given up over the years of pain they have endured is a modern day miracle. I can't wait to see how God is going to glorify Himself in this.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Brain Dump
Okay, so this is all pretty random, but it is everything I'm thinking about...
First of all, I am so thankful to feel cherished. I am reading, "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. I have barely begun, but already have read enough chew on a little. The authors mention that every little girl has the desire to be precious to her daddy. I didn't have this experience and instead looked for that precious identity in other males.
What a blessing that God gave me a man who considers me to be precious. I feel truly cherished even when I don't deserve the attention and even when I make life harder on him. This thought process takes me back to needing to figure out what to do with the wound left by an absent father. I desire to put it all aside and let it go, but it isn't realistic and what would Jesus have me to do? I don't harbor bitterness and I have, and continue to, forgive him. It is more like a continual rejection. A hurt that pains me deeply. If he weren't living, I would grieve my loss and move forward, but instead I feel paralyzed and protective all at the same time. I don't want to write him off, I figure he probably has a story too, right? But, I do wonder if he cares. Does he ever think of me? Does he feel pain over this relationship too, or has he so detached himself that he is numb.
Okay, on to the next one. My heart hurts for my several friends who are currently laboring in their marriages. Each situation is unique, and yet there are several common denominators. Selfishness being at the core of most marriage problems, it is the hardest to deal with. I know, I am the most selfish person in my marriage. I hold on to my selfishness and think I have "rights." Really, it is about serving the other person, always putting their needs first and not letting the little things build up. Treating each other with respect and only speaking kind or encouraging words.
Marriage isn't disposable. It is permanent. It is interesting that the people I encounter who end up breaking up their family aren't really happy either. They usually end up becoming bitter and closed off emotionally. I wish people were willing to get help. To dig deep and do whatever necessary to not allow a family to be broken apart. I haven't walked a mile in anyone's shoes, so I don't intend for any of this to sound judgemental or critical. It is just that from my observations, the pursuit of personal happiness is an empty search.
Brain Dump - successful, time for sleep.
First of all, I am so thankful to feel cherished. I am reading, "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. I have barely begun, but already have read enough chew on a little. The authors mention that every little girl has the desire to be precious to her daddy. I didn't have this experience and instead looked for that precious identity in other males.
What a blessing that God gave me a man who considers me to be precious. I feel truly cherished even when I don't deserve the attention and even when I make life harder on him. This thought process takes me back to needing to figure out what to do with the wound left by an absent father. I desire to put it all aside and let it go, but it isn't realistic and what would Jesus have me to do? I don't harbor bitterness and I have, and continue to, forgive him. It is more like a continual rejection. A hurt that pains me deeply. If he weren't living, I would grieve my loss and move forward, but instead I feel paralyzed and protective all at the same time. I don't want to write him off, I figure he probably has a story too, right? But, I do wonder if he cares. Does he ever think of me? Does he feel pain over this relationship too, or has he so detached himself that he is numb.
Okay, on to the next one. My heart hurts for my several friends who are currently laboring in their marriages. Each situation is unique, and yet there are several common denominators. Selfishness being at the core of most marriage problems, it is the hardest to deal with. I know, I am the most selfish person in my marriage. I hold on to my selfishness and think I have "rights." Really, it is about serving the other person, always putting their needs first and not letting the little things build up. Treating each other with respect and only speaking kind or encouraging words.
Marriage isn't disposable. It is permanent. It is interesting that the people I encounter who end up breaking up their family aren't really happy either. They usually end up becoming bitter and closed off emotionally. I wish people were willing to get help. To dig deep and do whatever necessary to not allow a family to be broken apart. I haven't walked a mile in anyone's shoes, so I don't intend for any of this to sound judgemental or critical. It is just that from my observations, the pursuit of personal happiness is an empty search.
Brain Dump - successful, time for sleep.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Perspective is Everything
I just read a post by a friend referencing the depravity of man. His post made me stop in my irritated, tired tracks for a minute to refocus my perspective on what really matters. I have had a busy day, I feel like I cannot get caught up on my housework, homework, lesson plans etc. Too many things to think about, not enough brain power. What happens when the circuit is overloaded? It shuts down. That is what I want to do.
I was headed to the couch to spend some time recharging my spiritual life when I popped on the computer real quick and read his post. Right, right, it isn't about me. God doesn't care if my house isn't vacuumed or even if my vacuum has been sitting in the middle of the living room for a week waiting for me to walk by and turn it on. He wants me to care for my family. He doesn't care if I have the best lesson plans and most creative lessons ready for school, he wants me to love the little people in my class. He doesn't care if I maintain a 4.0 gradepoint, He wants me to be ready to be used when he places a new calling on my life.
He doesn't want me to be distracted by, or feel pressure because of the technology in front of me, He wants me to spend time with Him... thanks John!
I was headed to the couch to spend some time recharging my spiritual life when I popped on the computer real quick and read his post. Right, right, it isn't about me. God doesn't care if my house isn't vacuumed or even if my vacuum has been sitting in the middle of the living room for a week waiting for me to walk by and turn it on. He wants me to care for my family. He doesn't care if I have the best lesson plans and most creative lessons ready for school, he wants me to love the little people in my class. He doesn't care if I maintain a 4.0 gradepoint, He wants me to be ready to be used when he places a new calling on my life.
He doesn't want me to be distracted by, or feel pressure because of the technology in front of me, He wants me to spend time with Him... thanks John!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
How time flies...
I just signed Hannah up for Babysitting Classes. Is it possible that I actually have a child old enough to learn CPR and care for other people's children??! She is getting braces next week, her sweet childish face is growing into that of a beautiful young lady. Wasn't I just babysitting not so long ago...?
So many changes. On the other end of the spectrum, my baby is getting geared up for kindergarten. She already has her new back pack and decided to give up her "wa-wa" which means giving up her thumb-sucking... I cannot believe it. She was stretching this morning and informed me that when she stretches she grows, and then on her birthdays, she gets older. She is wise beyond her years, for sure!
I don't want to miss of course, my middle boy. He is steady as the day is long, at some point, I'm going to look "up" to him and wonder where his childhood went. Hopefully he'll still kiss me on the cheek, doesn't every mother want their boy to still kiss their cheek? I look at my nine year old "little man" and think of him when he was two. What a sweet and tender boy he is.
So many changes. On the other end of the spectrum, my baby is getting geared up for kindergarten. She already has her new back pack and decided to give up her "wa-wa" which means giving up her thumb-sucking... I cannot believe it. She was stretching this morning and informed me that when she stretches she grows, and then on her birthdays, she gets older. She is wise beyond her years, for sure!
I don't want to miss of course, my middle boy. He is steady as the day is long, at some point, I'm going to look "up" to him and wonder where his childhood went. Hopefully he'll still kiss me on the cheek, doesn't every mother want their boy to still kiss their cheek? I look at my nine year old "little man" and think of him when he was two. What a sweet and tender boy he is.
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