I didn't sleep well last night. In my dreams, I was running and hiding from people who were trying to catch me and kill me. People around me were snatched right in front of me. I didn't see anything graphic in my dreams, just the idea that this was happening. While this created a bit of terror, I found myself in survival mode. I was actually even thinking if I was in normal life right now, I'd have a lot of emotions to process. In the chase however, there is no time for emotion. I was alone and trying to stay one step ahead of my pursuer.
While I'm groggily trying to prepare for my day, I realized that this is truly how I feel right now. I'm surviving, one day at a time. The difference is that I am surrounded by people I love and I am not alone. I am pursued by an entity that desires to steal my time and kill the meaning in my life. This pursuer is relentless to find every nook and cranny of open space that I crawl into and fill it up with dread and overwhelm.
This entity is busyness. The enemy prowls around on my calendar and in my head and robs me of the time to have emotion. Keeping me on my toes and on the run hinders my ability to really live.
I'm not sure how to stop this enemy. Well-meaning people desire to make their agendas my own. I don't have to claim these expectations. They may want to accomplish this and that task, but I don't have to be the solution to their problem, or support them in their, "busy makes me feel more productive life." I want to be intentional about putting things that matter on my calendar. With eternal perspective as the only guiding perspective, what should go on my calendar? Time for meaningful relationships and serving others in the ways that God has gifted me. That is what I would like to spend my time and energy on.
The question is, how do you jump off the 90 mph train that is life? The calendar is already filled, and everyday there are more emails and requests that command attention to timing and scheduling. Whether it is my children's activities, my employer, even my church - how do I protect my heart from becoming so burnt out I just don't care anymore.
I don't have the answer, but I've spoken with enough people who feel the same frustration as I do. Some of their thoughts and wisdom are woven into this post. For all the "do-ers", keep doing! By all means, I'm so glad there are so many do-ers in the world. But please, let those of us who might be "be-ers" just be who we are.
I was reminded this morning of one of my favorite verses, Deuteronomy 6:5. This is all I have to do today, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." That's it. Nothing else. What does it look like to complete this command for the rest of today?
